Ok, so I have been trying to think of things to tell you all. And thoughts, they’ve been a’swirlin’. So I decided to bring you the bullet points of my brain. Are you as excited as I am?
– I have become “that person.” You know the one- when you get a library book and it’s all mucked up and you’re like “Ew!! What did you DO to this? It’s a LIBRARY BOOK! Other people have to read this!!!” I won’t say what I did but reading when brushing your teeth is probably not the best idea.
– My new favorite phrase is “Blowing sunshine up your ass.” It’s not something that works in every situation but when it’s right, it’s so right.
– I hate getting older. Right now I have a crick in my neck (ps. part of getting older includes words like ‘crick’) that I KNOW I would not have gotten at 20. I have no idea how I did it. Maybe when it happened when I sewed the button on this morning.
-I SEWED A BUTTON ON THIS MORNING! I mean, I for real sewed it on myself. Finally my little bag o’buttons came in handy and instead of trashing a pair of pants for missing a button (ok, I never did that but I’ve considered it. Instead they usually sit in my closet for years) I fixed it myself. Who am I? Seriously, can you believe it?
– But that leads to this: In my button bag I have about 42 hundred of those string samples. You know, you buy a nice sweater and it comes with a web wrapped around a piece of paper. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? Darn it yourself? It makes no sense. Even if I could remember what sweater each piece of yarn connected to I’m pretty sure the best I could do would be to staple it to whatever hole I was trying to patch. Which I don’t think is the intended usage.
– I am sick of people telling me that Easter is not my holiday and I am stealing it from them. For your information my stepmother is not Jewish so we celebrate all the Christian holidays. Next thing you’re going to do is tell me I shouldn’t have taken communion that one time as a kid (wait, does that make me Christian? I think it might.) Jews would never make someone feel bad for going to a Seder. Mainly because we don’t entirely want to be there ourselves and misery truly loves company.
I think the rest of my thoughts are either dirty or pathetic so I’ll leave it there. Til next time!